


Royal Farmhands

by wynnebat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Thor (2011), Crack, Crossover, M/M, Master of Death Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 02:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19898191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynnebat/pseuds/wynnebat
Summary: Harry turned his head back to his Starkpad and flipped to the next page. Quite happily, to himself he said, "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Whether it was a meteor or a piece of an airplane, it mattered nothing. "The Boy Who Lived is in retirement."He shifted in his hammock, moving to a more comfortable position, and looked up just in time to watch the object fall into his vegetable garden. Harry stifled a strangled sound as he surveyed the damage. What had once been the center of his vegetable garden was a crater more than a meter in diameter. The vegetables that he'd planted were gone. Left behind was a single hammer.





	Royal Farmhands

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by storytellingandtea. 
> 
> I can't believe I forgot to post this with my batch of tumblr prompt fics! It's pure crack.

Harry was on the porch when it happened. It was a warm spring afternoon, not yet too hot, but the cold of winter had finally been chased off by the warmth and growing greenery. Only a crisp wind remained, and not for long. Harry quite expected it to be gone within a week. He was comfortable in his hammock, an Agatha Christie novel on his Starkpad and a tall glass of lemonade on the table beside him. The only danger expected for the day was of accidentally knocking his glass over, something he had done twice this month already. He was still getting used to the new hammock.

This expectation of a quiet, easy day was thoroughly ruined when from the corner of his eye, he saw something falling to the ground from high up in the sky. It was headed perilously close to Harry's home. Harry didn't worry over it, certain that with his wards it would bounce off the roof of his home if it truly came that close.

As for what this strange object was...

Harry turned his head back to his Starkpad and flipped to the next page. Quite happily, to himself he said, "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Whether it was a meteor or a piece of an airplane, it mattered nothing. "The Boy Who Lived is in retirement."

He shifted in his hammock, moving to a more comfortable position, and looked up just in time to watch the object fall into his vegetable garden. Harry stifled a strangled sound as he surveyed the damage. What had once been the center of his vegetable garden was a crater more than a meter in diameter. The vegetables that he'd planted were gone. Left behind was a single hammer.

Harry had no need of a hammer.

Neither did he have any need of the two men who followed it, dropping out from the sky like particularly large pieces of hale. Spinning all the way down through the air, they were lucky to not land directly on top of the hammer and smack their faces against the metal. They were however unlucky enough to also land in Harry's vegetable garden. Harry was too shocked to cushion their fall. 

The garden demolishers were not dead, Harry noted as he approached, and their manner of dress was rather strange. They weren't wizards, but they were... something. He couldn't quite put a name to it. By the time he arrived, the big blond one was yelling about not being able to move the hammer and the dark-haired one was yelling right back. Whatever their plan had been going into this, it must not have involved landing in Harry's garden.

"I spent weeks planting these vegetables," Harry said, narrowing his eyes at the blond one's feet, which were directly on top of one of the few small green sprouts left in the entire garden. The dirt was flattened, just about everything under it dead on impact.

"What realm is this?" the blond one asks, turning to him. "Vanaheim? Niflheim?"

"The one my garden is located in," Harry replies, dryly. He sighs at the dirt. Weeks of work destroyed in one go. Harry would applaud them were he in a joking mood. Worst of all, he'd spilled his lemonade in his shock at seeing his garden destroyed.

"Thor, this is obviously Midgard," the other one says. To Harry, he says, "We are Loki and Thor, princes of Asgard."

"A pleasure." Harry walks over to pick up a stray spade, untouched by the wreckage, and offers it to Thor. "How good are you at gardening?"

Thor stares at him with confusion. Loki looks at him as though he's lost his mind. Aghast, he says, "We are _princes_."

Harry nods. "Good for you. I recommend starting with clearing the area first. You can come inside for lunch in an hour." He frowns at the hammer and picks it up. Harry isn't a strong man, but he's got some muscle, and he breaks it free of the ground. "I'll take this as collateral."

And off to the house he goes. The princes follow him up to the house ward line, when they're repelled and thrown back into the dirt of the garden. Harry reminds them of their debt to him and goes back inside. He'll have his hands full setting up the rarely used guest bedroom. With a sigh, Harry realizes that he'll have to feed them, too.

He considers for a moment simply magicking the vegetable patch back into being. The princes will be more trouble than they're worth. But magicked vegetables just don't taste quite right. Better to make use of his farmhands while he has them. And maybe, just a bit, he's curious about where they came from and where those places Thor spoke of are.

They trudge into his home for lunch, dirty and irritable, and Harry's more entertained than he has been in a long time.

It's been too long since he's had company.

*

The princes try to leave once. Spades and shovels follow them, biting at their heels. Trees show their displeasure by hitting them with their branches. There is a lot of forest to go through before they can arrive at the nearest town. It would be a very irritating, painful trek. They come back within half a day, eyes light with anger.

"You seem to be getting along better," Harry says. He floats a tray of cold drinks toward them.

"Uniting against a common enemy tends to make allies of enemies," Loki spits out. He does however accept a drink.

Thor sighs. "We are not _enemies_ , Loki. We never have been. We're brothers!"

"I'd rather be in Jotunheim," Loki moans.

*

"What happens if I do this?" Loki says weeks later, leaning in almost close enough to kiss.

Harry smiles, anticipation heavy in his chest. "You won't get out of gardening."

"You are infuriating," Loki growls, but he still kisses him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm also on [tumblr](https://wynnefic.tumblr.com/).


End file.
